i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
