My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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