the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I am one with the molecules
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
