I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
