Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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