Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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