i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
