Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
