No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
