Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
