Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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