I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
