He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
