is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
