they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
