...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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