the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
