remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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