I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
