Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
