I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
