My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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