Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This is my gift to your gina
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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