I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
