I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just pee around me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
