You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
