when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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