Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
