They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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