Umm I'm too high to move.
look no pants
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
