Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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