Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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