fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
