theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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