Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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