he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
