Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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