I'll bet she douches with gravy.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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