Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
