my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
