how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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