Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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