Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
zippers are such a cool invention
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Panties = found
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