You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
