i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
