And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize