pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
