I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
