i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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