yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
