My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
