Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
