she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
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Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
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halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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