decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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