She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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