So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
