This is not my ceiling
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
