i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
