I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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