The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
