The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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