Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
