When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
