somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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