The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
