So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
