Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
