I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so let's talk penis.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
