what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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